


Secrets

by Cryswimmer



Series: I Look Forward to It [14]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:54:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9169492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryswimmer/pseuds/Cryswimmer
Summary: River gets the Doctor drunk... and learns a lot.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is more of a ficlet than a fic, but I wanted to write it. Several stories back, River made a reference to Rose Tyler. Now, we all know that the Doctor doesn't speak of one companion to another (generally), so there must have been extenuating circumstances. There were... she got him drunk. 
> 
> Rose is not actually, physically in this fic. However, she is a major player in it, so I listed her as a character. Enjoy... and please comment if you like it.

Secrets

The picnic had been lovely. He had brought an ancient bottle of wine from Carillion-Two for her, and an equally aged bottle of Broktan brandy for himself. Their meal had consisted of fruit and a variety of cheeses, and it had occurred to him somewhat belatedly that he should probably have packed something more substantial if they were going to drink this much. At the time, it had all seemed like a good idea, and River had been so excited.

When he had materialized outside cell sixty-five of Stormcage, she had been a little tired and a not entirely sure she was ready for adventure. In an uncharacteristic move, she had asked that they not go on a rousing adventure this time. She wanted a little food, a little conversation, and – as she had said - “a break in the action.”

As per her request, there had been no running, no escaping, no adventuring, and no danger. They had walked along the green grass of the lakeside on a planet so small that it had no name. They had talked about her time in college, friends she had known, and a few dates that she was particularly embarrassed by. She didn’t blush often – that was his area – but when she did it was very interesting. He had talked about several of his regenerations, the companions he had enjoyed traveling with, and a few mishaps that had particularly entertained them both.

How they had laughed! He loved to hear her laugh. Deep and throaty, it was a sound to make his spine shiver and his hearts beat faster. Some days, it wasn’t about the adventurous spirit which he had first been drawn to. Some days, she was just good company. This had been one of those days.

As evening had fallen, they had settled in for dinner. A little cheese, fresh apples, some fresh bread, and entirely too much alcohol… It had been a potent combination. The conversation had gradually become more serious, and yet less. They began asking more personal questions until finally she broached a subject he had never really wanted to address with her… not in so many words, at least.

“Have you ever been in love,” she asked him.

The world did a shallow spin as he considered. The warm edge of very strong alcohol muffled her words, as well as the edges of his vision. “Love is overrated,” he answered.

“Tell me,” she asked. “I want to know.”

“Love,” he muttered, ending in a giggle. “It’s not a good place to be. It’s not safe,” he told her in a conspiratorial whisper. “People get hurt.”

“True,” she agreed, refilling her wine glass.

He probably should have had the wine as well, he decided in a fuzzy haze. The brandy was tasty, and certainly one of his favorites, but he had just enough sense left to know that he was going to regret this. He wouldn’t likely have indulged if he had been with anyone else, but he trusted River. If he couldn’t pilot the TARDIS, she most certainly could. Yes, he was going to regret this. If not now, then certainly when he sobered. It took a great deal of alcohol to put a dent in Galifreyan biology, but the concentrated liquor had accomplished just that.

“Tell me about love,” she encouraged.

“In love with you,” he reasoned, giving her a slightly goofy smile.

“That goes both ways,” she said as she gave him a quick kiss. “But you must have been in love before. Nearly a millennium, and you were still single. It makes a girl wonder.”

“Yes.”

 

“Yes, a girl wonders, or yes you were in love?”  
“Yes,” he said again. “In love. Married, too. Done that. I was so young, just a baby, and she was the same. We had three children. Then there was a war, and that was finished.” He was quiet for a long while, letting the pain of it fade beneath the cushion of liquor. He didn't think of it often. It was another life, another doctor, another world.

River looked surprised, and very sad. “And you never married again? All those centuries alone?”

He tried to think about that, and managed to consider. “Would have married Rose,” he slurred, letting the alcohol take over. “I did, probably did, but it wasn’t me. It was sort of me. Me point one, if it comes to that. Not an improved version, though. Only one heart; no durability.”

“You point one?” she asked, giving him a puzzled look. “How did that happen?”

“Human-Time Lord meta-ti… meta-pi… meta-sis,” he slurred. “Got the Doctor Donna, and got another me. Human though. Bloody human.”

“Another you,” she smiled as she took another sip. “The mind races.”

“Couldn’t just leave him out there,” he reasoned, remembering. “He might get into trouble. Had done, but might get into more. Gave him to Rose. He got Rose Tyler, and I got back in the TARDIS. Bet he grows old, too. I’m very healthy, you know.”

“You certainly are,” she agreed. After a moment of watching him, filling his small glass again, she asked, “How did you meet Rose Tyler?”

“She was in the basement,” he told her. “Told her to run, and she did. She was a good runner. We ran, and ran, and ran. I would have run across the galaxy with her, but she got too close to the edge. Her father saved her. Not her father, but her almost father. First, she was blowing away, then he was there, and then they were gone.” He took a long drink, considered his nearly empty glass, and drank the rest. “Would have gone to the blackest pit of Hell to get her back, but I couldn’t get into that world; not without ripping a hole in the universe. Might‘ve done, too, if we could have survived it. ‘Stead, I gave her another me. She’s better off.”

River reached up to caress his cheek. “I’m so very sorry, Sweetie.”

He gave a shrug. “Always happens that way,” he told her. “Found her when I had a big nose and not much hair. She didn’t even mind. Didn’t think she was going to stay when I regenerated, but she did. Funny thing when I regenerate… whoever I’m with becomes… part of me. Can’t ‘splain.”

“Did you ever regenerate with anyone else?” she asked.

“Lots of times,” he admitted. “Seems to get worse as I get older, though. First Rose, then Amelia. Think you did it, too.”

“Did what?” she asked.

“Im-printed,” he enunciated carefully. “When you did it, I was there. It’s no wonder you fell for me.”

“You think I fell for you?” she said with a grin. 

“Know you did,” he told her, pointing a finger at her and tapping her in the shoulder with it. “You married me.” Three taps, one with each word. He looked around, and then added, “Shh… don’t want you to know that. You might leave.”

The look she gave him in answer was soft. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Will,” he argued. He looked at his empty glass again, and then looked over at the nearly empty bottle of brandy. “Have done.”

“Have done what?”

“Gone,” he said in a whisper. “Gone, so long ago. Then I had to wait so long to meet you again.”

“Reverse time lines,” she said quietly, almost to herself. “It makes the head ache.”

“Not now,” he said, leaning forward to get the bottle and toppling as he reached for it. She helped him right himself, filled his glass with what little was left in the bottle. He gave her another grin, this one sloppier than the last. “Thanks.”

“Drink up,” she told him. “Won’t tell a soul your secrets.”

“Not sure I have one,” he told her, considering.

“One what?”

“Soul,” he answered. “May have lost it along the way. So many lives… not sure anything could be left.”

As she leaned towards him, touched his face, she laid a soft kiss on his lips. “You’re still the best man I’ve ever known,” she said.

He grinned. “You wouldn’t know,” he told her. “You love me. Love changes everything.”

“Yes, it does,” she agreed.

He grinned at her one last time, and then his look became serious before closing his eyes and laying his head down on his arm. He thought he heard the soft echo of her voice as he drifted off.

“Sleep, Sweetie. And please don’t dream.”


End file.
